The virtual world is the real world.

In the middle, me and Susie, my pen pal, all dressed up for dinner, circa 1978

Do you remember pen pals? Back in high school I subscribed to a magazine that, in one issue, offered to connect readers as pen pals. The article had a personality-type questionnaire which I completed and mailed in with a photo of myself. A few weeks later, the magazine connected me with a girl named Susie. We wrote letters back and forth for several months. Then, during the summer, she purchased a bus ticket to come to Ohio so we could meet in person. I loved connecting with her and making a friend from what seemed at the time, so far away (New York State.) We eventually lost touch, but having that experience to connect and befriend a total stranger, was one I’ll never forget. 

Throughout the pandemic and with online classes, I met many strangers who have become real friends. I have a coaching circle of peers who meet regularly on video calls.  I met one of my fellow coach peers, Suzanna, twice in person, and in another month, we will be meeting up again with another friend, Kim, attending a conference together. We’ve been friends for over two years now. Virtually. There are many more people I’ve connected with virtually over the past two years or more, and consider them new friends as well. I find so many similarities between the new virtual way to make friends and having a pen pal. Yet in so many ways, it’s better. We can connect right away through so many different mediums. We can keep in touch with one sentence, say in text, or an afternoon study group or chat. We focus on common ground, what’s positive and good.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have a balance, but technology for me has been a gateway to a new education, a new career, new friends, new possibilities and opportunities. Do we have to keep demonizing our electronic lifestyle? We tell our kids to go outside. Make ourselves go outside. We know that we need to get off the screens to gain better sleep.  Yet we can't deny that the digital world is our world. It's all around us and it’s not going away. In fact, it’s not a separate world at all anymore. From smart watches to refrigerators, everything is becoming integrated electronically. More and more of us work and learn virtually. It’s not just email and entertainment anymore. I have coached clients from all over the country. Virtually. We’ve connected, trusted, built rapport, gained strides and mets goals together. I stay in touch with people I would not “see” otherwise. Family and friends from back home. Relatives in other states. For Valentine’s day, friends from all over the country sent my dad, who is in assisted living, cards, gifts and candy, because I made a Facebook request. People love to reach out in any way possible. It’s human nature.

Making friends, connecting with fellow humans, is undoubtedly best face to face. But I believe the pandemic taught us more inventive ways to connect. Humans need connection to survive. In Okinawa, one of the Blue Zones, girls are put into a “moai” at a young age, typically with two or three other young girls, and they grow up together. They age together. It’s a lifelong circle of friendship. Okinawa is considered one of the five Blue Zones because of this powerful social connection which increases longevity. I’m embracing finding connection in any way possible. Texting, Instant Messenger, What’s Ap, FaceTime, email, social media. I’m learning more ways to communicate, not cutting myself off from any possibilities to connect. To share. To grow. To learn. To love.