Ever Since April

Circa 2016: These guys were my Pastry Chef Ambassadors when I was US National Sales Manager for a small, Swiss chocolate manufacturer, which is family-owned and makes the best chocolate in the world. We were an awesome team and I loved watching them share their impeccable talents.

Before I became a chef, I was a graphic designer. From the time I could pick up a crayon and write on the walls (which did not make my mother happy) I was creative. I tick different. (I was typing “think” and it auto-corrected to “tick” so I’m leaving it.)

I was told from a young age that I was too loud, disruptive and energetic. I was supposed to sit down and go along with whatever I was told to do. This was the message my parents received at every teacher conference, and was hand-written in the comments on every report card - back when report cards were hand written-I’m dating myself. I did my best to “behave” and “fit in”.

I opened a graphic design firm at 23 years old, The business was successful for more than 12 years. It was great to do my own thing, be successful and to feel it was my destiny. It was a great run. But as technology changed the industry, I was discouraged, spending my time learning software. The last thing I got to be was creative. I got the itch to try something different, low-tech, and while I was considering registering for a Photoshop class at the local technical college, I discovered culinary classes.

Fast forward 20+ years. In that time I worked as a pastry chef, caterer, instructor, and sales manager. My favorite position was US National Sales Manager for a small Swiss chocolate manufacturer. It was intense, creative, inspiring and educational.  For each ambassador workshop, I planned and organized every aspect of travel, invited attendees, organized meals and special VIP dinners, trade shows and events, recipe publications, new catalogs. I loved watching seasoned chefs become enlightened with information my team delivered. I respected the rapport I had with my esteemed chefs. I ultimately was employed by two different specialty importing companies, direct competitors, in fact. Flying around the country non-stop, hyping the great features and benefits of the products, prepping for cooking demos with guest chefs, organizing pastry and chocolate workshops for chocolatiers. It was fun and I was successful.

In April, I was permanently “laid off” due to COVID-19. Although, ideally, I eventually wanted to venture out on my own again, as when I was a graphic designer. I was pondering how to get “paleo lifestyle information” and  “health coaching” off the ground as a business., To share my health journey with others. I was not nearly ready. Not with the materials, the information, the recipes, the time. Certainly not financially. But, when you’re hit with a blow, you either let it knock you back or you recover and recoup. It was time to make my next move.

Ever since April, I have been recovering. It took me by surprise, how much it hurt. I wasn’t offended or insulted that the company didn’t want me anymore, but it’s a bruise, that’s for sure. I’m lucky and grateful that my husband has a solid career and that the kids are grown and “off the payroll”. Not everyone I know is that fortunate. Or knows what they might want to pursue next, especially at this age.

So, ever since April I threw myself into getting this blog off the ground. Focusing on recipe development. Marathon writing. Producing Facebook Lives and YouTube videos without a professional producer. Without a copywriter. After all those years hiring professional photographers for graphics projects, I’ve resorted to my iPhone for food shots. I left graphics because I wanted something low tech, I didn’t want to push a mouse around all day. Now, I’m my own IT person, copywriter, video producer and graphic designer. But it’s fun. I am reminded of so many who, at my age, re-invented themselves. Started over. Finally found time in their lives to pursue a passion. I’m overwhelmed on a daily basis. My mind is churning with ideas at 5am. I have a long way to go, but I’ve never felt more settled or comfortable with this kind of chaos. I feel like I did when I was in my 20s, running my little graphic design firm, on top of the world. I hope people notice my efforts and can relate.

Ever since April, I’ve been more depressed / motivated / sad / thrilled / upset / determined / angry / ambitious - all at the same time, than I have in a long time, if ever. I’m feeling all of it. And it’s starting to feel pretty damn good.xoxo

-t